Monologue in a Monokini


We’ve been here a week already. So much learned; so much more to know. Here’s a random sampling of the highs and lows:

JETLAG and EXTREME HEAT create EXTREME LAG and JET HEAT. I feel faint if I go outside between 11 and 3 p.m. Today, I had to wait OUTSIDE at David’s school to pick him up. I sat down in the shade and took some selflies to prove that I am, in fact, here. I realized that I hadn’t posted anything of me yet. I could be in Switzerland for all you know. I AM NOT IN SWITZERLAND. And my extreme jet-heat lag is slowly wearing off.

20140901_212457_resizedOur corporate hotel is very sweet, though I believe we are growing out of it. Not that we are growing, but our stuff is overflowing. We’re working on phase two of the domicile decision.

In the meantime, I must bring our housekeeper to your attention. He does a great job, and every day he rearranges David’s stuffed animals into a different diorama. David and I can’t wait to get back to see what he’s done. Yesterday reined supreme–the pandas facing off the camel and a minion in a game of radish ball. TheTime Out magazine was placed off sides. Subtle genius.

We are quite enjoying the British Club in the three days we’ve been members. Until yesterday, that is. Of course, the water was still spectacular and moderately refreshing. David and I tried to catch tiny fish. At one point, I happened to notice a spectacularly beautiful woman on the beach with her son. I said to myself, “Do not sit anywhere next to her.”  She was like a size 0 and oh-so brown in a monokini with belly chains. It was crazy how pretty she was. Probably a model.

Kind of what my beach cover-up looks like.
What my beach cover-up looks like.

Monokini on Model, just to show you.
Monokini on Model, just to show you.

Anyway, Pretty Lady’s son came and asked David to play. They goofed off with two other kids at the club, running to and fro. I was happy for David. Meanwhile, I hid on my lounge chair poolside. Earlier in the day, I had purchased a cheapo cover-up at the mall in an attempt to fit in with the classy dames at the club. Instead, compared to Pretty Lady, I looked like a pink striped bass. I think what I bought may have been a nightgown. I’m not sure.

Wouldn’t you know it, Pretty Lady comes over to speak with me. Let me rephrase that: Beauty Lady comes to give me a monologue in her monokini.

Turns out Pretty Lady is not so pretty on the inside. She hates Abu Dhabi. She hates ever20140901_174558_resized_1ything. She hates the club. She hates her son’s fat belly. She hates the parasites on the Club’s cats. Really, she said all those things and more. Each statement more astonishing than the previous one.

This was the first bad experience I’ve had here, and it was courtesy of an angry expat. It had nothing to do with this country. Fortunately, the kids returned and we dispersed.

I donned my pink nightgown and went back to the sea where I picked up a pretty seashell as a reminder of the natural beauty in the world. Of the beauty in this very place. Abu Dhabi isn’t a supermodel in a monokini.

Abu Dhabi is pretty in the same way my beach cover-up is. Abu Dhabi is like the housekeeper who rearranges David’s toys in a new playful manner every day.

Abu Dhabi suits me.









2 Comments Add yours

  1. Allan says:

    In response to your “lady” encounter yesterday:
    I met the most wonderful lay from the UK today who was the polar opposite of angry woman…she had nothing but positive thoughts about the schools, the people we meet, the setting…although at one point, when telling me about leaving her 10 year old in a boarding school for this semester, she referred to herself as a “fishwife” and her young daughters as “monsters” as the reason the boy was happy to be at boarding school.
    She was charming.
    I cannot wait for you to meet her.

    In response to our hotel room cleaner’s arrangement-hilarious.
    Years ago I wanted to to start a “bear” arrangement company, but the idea was squashed as not being lucrative.

    In response to the heat:
    I rather like it…weird eh?

    1. Allan says:

      oops “lady” not “lay”

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