Dear Bespectacled and Not-Bespectacled Readers,
I had a terrible nightmare last night. One that I can’t shake, and has left me weepy today.
In the dream, I was some place–I know not where–and I stumbled across a jumble of my dad’s glasses. All of them were there. Glasses from when he was a young man, and an old man, along with a vast array of his sunglasses too. Glasses hiding in plain sight without their wearer.
Upon finding them, in the dream, I was hit hard by father’s absence. I cried my eyes out. And then I said out loud, “Oh,wait, Beau is still alive. He must have just left these behind when he went to the hospital. He’ll need them, and I’ll take them to him. Everything is okay.”
But just as I come to this conclusion, I also realize he is not alive and I cannot take the glasses to him after all. And I go back to crying my eyes out again. And then it happens again. So for the duration of the dream, I’m stuck in a “he’s alive, he’s not alive” time loop. Relieved in one instant, then re-living my sorrow as if it’s the first time in the next instant. It’s like a house of mirrors–seeing things differently every which way you look. And the thing triggering the whole roller-coaster ride is Beau’s looking glasses.
I spent a few minutes this morning looking for quotes from Alice in Wonderland that might help me understand my trip down the rabbit hole last night. Nothing came up. Then a phrase popped into my head, “Through the Glass, Darkly.” I couldn’t remember where I’d heard it or what it’s origin was.
Turns out, that it’s a line from the Bible that has been used as a title for a number of books.
“For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.”
–1 Corinthians, v. 12-13, King James Version
It was one of my father’s favorite bible passages. One that he referred to frequently. And one that we read at his memorial service.