I am SICK and TIRED of the endless lists available on the Internet. Ten Pictures That Prove Australia Is The Scariest Place In The World. Seven Things We Didn’t Know About Princess Charlotte’s Baby Bonnet. Three Things More Important Than Whether You Take Your Kid to McDonalds.
Why is everyone using this conceit? Is there a list for the answer? The Top Thirteen-And-A-Half Reasons Why All Writers Are Writing Lists.
Wait a minute, I wrote one too: 3 Tips for Finding a Comfort Zone on a Coed Arab University Campus. It’s like a virus, spreading into our subconscious. Pretty soon we’ll have Eight Ways to Communicate in Top Ten Lists.
Despite my recalcitrance, I believe there is one list that warrants your immediate attention. Random Things to Love About the Royal Ramee Hotel consolidates the superbly unusual qualities of this unusually superb place into a comprehensive parcel.
So here, in no particular order, is what makes our temporary lodging more quixotic than the Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.
71. The Fake Fluorescent Flowers in the Lobby Restroom Match the Fluorescent Moth Balls In the Sink. I kid you not. Those are moth balls in the sink. I have never ever seen a moth in Abu Dhabi. Maybe that’s because moth balls are in some sinks. Fortunately, they are not located in the sink in our room because they stink!
2. One Framed, High Hung Picture of An Ancient Sidewalk in Florence or Somewhere. I can’t tell if the picture is a drawing or a painting, or where it is set exactly, because it’s nearer to the ceiling than me. I like it, though, because otherwise the wall would be empty and all your attention would be focused on the lampshade.
19. The Roof-Top Swimming Pool is Very Small and Not Full of Water. No chairs, either. No matter, I find the situation up there to be quite endearing. There is a rather large rule sign on the wall that makes these requests, among others: NO DIVING. NO PEEING. NO NUDITY. I think those are good rules.
6. Things You Ought Not To Comment On, Or Call Attention To. I will not offer any explanation about the Ramee Spa, which is located up by the pool. But let’s just say that if you are about to leave the roof in a sad state, you can turn that frown upside down by popping into the Spa for a happy ending.
35. The Best Indian Food in Abu Dhabi Is On The Mezzanine Floor, And The Restaurant Has A Fish Tank. People come from all over the UAE to EAT at the Maharaja Palace which is in the Royal Ramee Hotel. But those of us who live here can pick up the phone and get the best Biriyani EVER delivered to our room. Although, we must confess that it is nice to take a break from the high picture on our wall and head down to the restaurant to see the high picture on the wall there.