So hey, remember yesterday’s post when I was all “I live everywhere” and shit? Well today is another story. I have half a mind to not get on tomorrow’s plane. What happened on Jan 1, 2015 to cause a crack in my whole “divides conquered” motif as laid out on Dec. 31, 2014?
David Beauregard Nicholls.
He had a bit of breakdown while hanging out with John, Ashley and Beckett this evening. David just burst into tears when thinking about leaving. Then I burst into tears about his sadness and my own grief about saying goodbye for now to the rest of the family. I could hardly stand socializing with them because I was so fixated on the impending moment when we’d have to say goodbye.
After that moment came and we went, David and I cried our eyes out the whole drive back to the (dis)Comfort Inn. At one point he paused long enough to ask his parents a question from the backseat.
“Mom and Dad, may I please say a swear word?”
“Sure,” Allan answered.
“DAMN YOU TWO!” he raged. “I love Vermont and I hate Abu Dhabi.”
You can imagine the swear words still going through my head about causing my son such grief and anger, as well as the sudden resurgence of my own fears and regrets. Worse yet, I felt like I couldn’t console David because I am one of the two causing him such despair.
We’re now snuggled in bed — bags packed, teeth brushed — watching House Hunters International. A few minutes ago I heard a noise in the other room and went out to check.
“David, your computer is on!”
“Mommy, I know, I put the rain sounds on to comfort us.”
Whenever he used to have bad dreams or worries about school, I’d soothe him to sleep with a storm soundtrack. I haven’t done so since we moved to Abu Dhabi — where it never rains.
P.S. David just told me, after reading this, that he didn’t say “DAMN YOU TWO.” Instead, he said, “Damn YouTube.” So now I just feel insane.
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How is David now ? In a plane I guess exhausted and raw from all the saying goodbyes. I read your post and it really reminds me of all the times I have to say goodbye to family. The detachment in the last few days, the guilt, the doubt… And then I realised what I really can’t handle is the trauma of goodbye. Once I am back and settles it takes a while but all is fine….it’s the transition. When my Mum came recently I could feel the panic as the days got closer and then finally it was here…. I was going to have to be separated from some of the people I love so much …. I felt for you reading that post . Welcome back, your are loved here too xx